Sunday, March 20, 2011

Two Weeks After Papa Has Passed

It has been two weeks since Papa passed. It isn't any easier. I think about my next trip back to Boston, in May, and I get a little anxious and queasy. I worry that when I go home the reality of him being gone will set in. I fear of having a break down in front of Nana. I fear that I will forget that he has passed and will walk in and say "Nana and Papa I am home." That will in turn upset Nana. The queasiness is from thinking about going home and seeing all of his things but not him and remembering the last time that I saw him. ARRGGG it is just unfair!

I wasn't able to make it home to go to the funeral. There were so many things to try to figure out and Nathan was gone that week, it was just difficult. In order to not feel guilty and still go through that closure of losing someone, I thought that it would be a good idea to have a conference call with the siblings and have a separate service.

I put together an agenda on the the 10th and e-mailed it to everyone. On the evening/afternoon of the 11th (depending on what time zone everyone was in) we had the service. A one minute tissue break was needed but it went pretty well.

I am back into running. It is really walking/jogging as running is just not something that I can handle. I have an injury to my right elbow that I am trying to let heal for as long as possible. When I was doing the weights or body weight I was aggravating it which would make it worse. Not working out wasn't helping my stress level either so I starting jogging with Nathan and Angel.

Natural disasters have not been a major issue. There was the 8.9 earthquake in Japan which caused a tsunami. California saw high surf but didn't suffer a tsunami in magnitude like Japan.

It has been off and on gloomy weather the last two weeks. We have seen less of the sun and more cloudy weather and in the last week more rain.

I went crazy one day and tore the house apart looking for a DVD I was sure I had. It was a DVD of Papa's surprise 50th birthday. I swore I had it because I transferred the VHS Tape to DVD for Nana and Papa. That was when we lived in VA. I don't know how I misplaced or lost that but when I go home in May I will make it a point to copy that DVD (if I can find it).

I also head to my parents in May. I will go through mom's photos and see what I can find and save of Papa. When grandma Tyner passed I realized I didn't have any pictures. Papa has passed and all I have are my wedding photos. It is sad and I did talk to Nathan about it but we have never really traveled or gone someplace worth taking pictures with Nana and Papa.

Some days are okay and other days are worse even after going for a walk/jog. I am able to do some volunteer work again which has helped keep my mind occupied. I am also trying to prepare for a move at the end of the year if the budget for 2011 ever gets figured out.

I guess all we can do it just take it one day at a time.

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