Friday, August 27, 2004

Good Joke

I am copying and pasting a joke that was sent to me by another Navy Wife. I think that you all will like this. I was laughing when I read it but after Nathan read it and I saw the expression on his face it made me laugh hysterically. Enjoy!

Lizard Birthing Story

If you have raised kids (or been one), and gone through the pet syndrome including toilet-flush burials for dead goldfish, the story below will have you laughing out LOUD!

Overview: I had to take my son's lizard to the vet. Here's what happened:

Just after dinner one night, my son came up to tell me there was something wrong" with one of the two lizards he holds prisoner in his room. "He's just lying there looking sick," he told me. "I'm serious, Dad. Can you help?"
I put my best lizard-healer expression on my face and followed him into his bedroom. One of the little lizards was indeed lying on his back, looking stressed. I immediately knew what to do. "Honey," I called to my wife, "come look at the lizard!"
"Oh my gosh," my wife gasped. After a minute, her diagnosis was "She's having babies." "What?" my son demanded. "But their names are Bert and Ernie, Mom!" I was equally outraged. "Hey, how can that be? I thought we said we didn't want them to reproduce," I accused my wife. "Well, what do you want me to do, post a sign in their cage?" she inquired. (I actually think she said this sarcastically!) "No, but you were supposed to get two boys!" I reminded her (in my most loving, calm, sweet voice, while gritting my teeth together). "Yeah, Bert and Ernie!" my son agreed.
"Well, it's just a little hard to tell on some guys, you know," she informed me. (Again with the sarcasm!) By now the rest of the family had gathered to see what was going on. I shrugged, deciding to make the best of it. "Kids, this is going to be a wondrous experience," I announced. "We're about to witness the miracle of birth."
"OH, GROSS!," they shrieked. "Well, isn't THAT just Great! What are we going to do with a litter of tiny little lizard babies?" my wife wanted to know. (I really do think she was being snotty here, too.) We peered at the patient. After much struggling, what looked like a tiny foot would appear briefly, and then vanishing a scant second later.
"We don't appear to be making much progress," I noted. "It's breech," my wife whispered, horrified. "Do something, Dad!" my son urged.
"Okay, okay." Squeamishly, I reached in and grabbed the foot when it next appeared, giving it a gingerly tug. It disappeared. I tried several more times with the same results. "Should I call 911?" my eldest daughter wanted to know. "Maybe they could talk us through the trauma." (You see a pattern here with the females in my house?) "Let's get Ernie to the vet," I said grimly.
We drove to the vet with my son holding the cage in his lap. "Breathe, Ernie, breathe," he urged. "I don't think lizards do Lamaze," his mother noted to him. (Women can be so cruel to their own young. I mean what she does to me is one thing, but this boy is of her womb, for God's sake.)
The vet took Ernie back to the examining room and peered at the little animal through a magnifying glass. "What do you think, Doc, a C-section?" I suggested scientifically. "Oh, very interesting," he murmured. "Mr. and Mrs. Cameron, may I speak to you privately for a moment?" I gulped, nodding for my son to step outside. "Is Ernie going to be okay?" my wife asked.
"Oh, perfectly," the vet assured us. "This lizard is not in labor. In fact, that isn't EVER going to happen. Ernie is a boy. You see, Ernie is a young male. And occasionally, as they come into maturity, like most male species, they um....um....masturbate. Just the way he did, lying on his back." He blushed, glancing at my wife. "Well, you know what I'm saying, Mr. Cameron." We were silent, absorbing this. "So Ernie's just...just...Excited," my wife offered. "Exactly," the vet replied, relieved that we understood.
More silence.
Then my viscous, cruel wife started to giggle. And giggle. And then even laugh loudly. "What's so funny?" I demanded, knowing, but not believing that the woman I married would commit the upcoming affront to my flawless manliness.
Tears were now running down her face. "It's just...that...I'm picturing you pulling on its...its...teeny little..." she gasped for more air to bellow in laughter once more. "That's enough," I warned. We thanked the Veterinarian and hurriedly bundled the lizards and our son back into the car. He was glad everything was going to be okay. "I know Ernie's really thankful for what you've done, Dad," he told me. "Oh, you have NO idea," my wife agreed, collapsing with laughter.

2 - lizards - $140...
1 - Cage - $50...
Trip to the Vet - $30...
Memory of your husband pulling on a lizard's wacker -
.....Priceless...

Sunday, August 22, 2004

Fly 4

This last week has been a change, a flight or sim every day. It seems I am either over-loaded or bored, no happy medium. We went down to Patrick Air Force Base friday for some touch and goes. We flew over port canaveral and got to see the space shuttle hangar, landing strip, and launch pads. The view was spectacular. Every house a mansion with a swimming pool it seemed. I have another flight tomorrow along with a friend from Norwich stopping by. He just finished up flight school for the sh-60b seahawk and will be stationed in Jacksonville for his first squadron. He'll be staying with us while he looks for a house.

Sunday, August 15, 2004

Bonnie, Charley and Work

Thursday afternoon Bonnie blows through town. I was able to get to work and make it home before we got hit. While sitting down watching Fox News an alert popped up across the bottom of the screen. I turned to our local station and Tornado warnings every where. A cell that could possibly spawn a tornado was reported 8 miles west of NAS Jax. The cell was moving northeast and people in the downtown area were told to take cover. Then 10 minutes later just north of Downtown Jacksonville funnel clouds were reported by local law enforcement. Not too long after that the local station got a call from a woman who stated a tornado was on the ground! The tornado remained on the ground for a couple of minutes and then dissipated. Then another cell merged with the one and a couple of minutes later just east from where the first tornado touched down another one came down. This tornado was more damaging than the first and remained on the ground longer. Amazingly no one was killed but that was the scariest thing ever.
Friday morning I was up early and decided to go into work early because I wasn't sure when the weather was going to change. It always changes and rather quickly when it does. I was in at 8 and stayed until 10:30am. A major thunderstorm came through and caused the lights to flicker. Believe it or not this storm was from the cold front that was stalled out over Jacksonville not from Hurricane Charley. I wasn't going to be able to get much done if the lights stayed out for a while so I decided to leave and go home. On my way home I noticed some low clouds. I didn't think anything of it except that I wanted to get home. When I got home and turned on the local news there were funnel clouds spotted again and right at the area where I drove through. Oh Wonderful glad I am home and I can't believe I might have seen a funnel cloud. At about 2pm we started to get rain from Hurricane Charley. The weather didn't change too much and I stayed up till 1pm to make sure that we were going to be ok and I wasn't going to have to sleep in the tub. I was awoken at 2pm from hearing the fire detectors going off from loss of power. Lots of fun. I covered my ears and went back to sleep. So not too bad! We survived and everything is ok.

Saturday, August 14, 2004

Hurricane Charley

The bath tub was full of water, three 5 gallon jugs of potable water were in the hallway, and all projectiles were removed from the patio. All this for nothing! We got a few gusts of wind and power went out about 2 am. The power outage was no surprise. We lose power about every other day, very annoying. So the damage was minimal and my only fear is the possibility of flooding if we get more rain. Charley was the weakest hurricane yet, I think it was my 5th.

Luckily we did have power to see the Olympics opening ceremony. That was very impressive, an unbelievable production. Kudos to them for doing such a great job.

On an unrelated note Michael Moore gets a review that I agree with.

Thursday, August 12, 2004

Olympic Security in Greece

This is new and troublesome. I would think they would have learned the first time.

Wednesday, August 11, 2004

More sensitivity in the war on terror

Maybe this is what John Kerry means by being more sensitive. Or this:

"After Hiroshima and Nagasaki had been atomically obliterated, Japan's government sent messages saying it was prepared to abide by the terms of the Allied Potsdam Declaration, which had threatened Japan's "prompt and utter destruction" unless it surrendered.

Between that overture and Japan's actual surrender was a very uneasy ceasefire between American and Japanese forces. American commanders were wary that disobedient extremists in Japanese aerial forces would disobey their superiors' order and try to attack the US fleet steaming off Japan.

Admiral Halsey addressed the Third Fleet by radio, saying that the shooting was ended and that all hands should stand down. However, he warned, it remained possible that suicidal Japanese aircraft might yet attack the Fleet.

If that happens, he said, "shoot them down, not vindictively, but in a friendly sort of way."

Tuesday, August 10, 2004

Registration Renewal

So today I call up VT DMV. The automated voice line states before going through the extensions that one should not give out personal information as incarcerated volunteers are answering lines. WHAT??? So not a good start to getting what I am looking for. So I get a representative. I tell him that I have not received my registration renewal and wanted to know two things 1.) How far in advance before expiration is the notice sent out and 2.) If I should have gotten it already can they resend it to me. Well the renewal notice should have already been sent to me since my tags expire at the end of the month. I am then told that I can call the renewal line as long as I have my license and vehicle information. I hung up with the representative and then realized that was not going to work because that is an automated line and I don't have my VT license anymore. That expired in July so I have an FL license and I knew that wasn't going to work. I decided to look at the renewal page on the DMV website and couldn't fins anymore information. All that I found was that I could renew online but I needed to have the renew notice to use the ID numbers off that to register and a contact name for any questions regarding how to renew. So I e-mailed the lady that was a contact on the renewal page. I explained to her that I didn't receive a renewal notice and that my registration was about to expire at the end of the month. I was hoping that she could send me another renewal notice in the mail. I explained about the call I made today and everything that I mentioned here. I also told her that hubby is military and that our assignment here is only temporary and that we would be heading back to VT in January or February. She replies and tells me to use my VT license to renew online. I respond back to her and tell her that my VT license expired in July and that I wasn't in VT so I have a FL license. She then responds back and wants to know what my tags are. I haven't heard back from her hopefully tomorrow so I will take that as one positive after all of that. PHEW!! I will let you know what happens.

Friday, August 06, 2004

The political parties must be desperate

Since moving back to Florida I submitted the paperwork so I could vote this fall. Finally, a few months later I get a letter back. I open it up and skim it. In big black bold lettering it lets me know that "I FAILED TO DESIGNATE A POLITICAL PARTY" I then have to read the whole thing. I did not choose a party.... because I have problems with both of them. That was an actual choice, not affiliated with either. But they send this letter making it sound like you have to. After reading the fine print I'm still confused so I just threw it away. My guess is that the government must have slipped some new law in requiring this extra paperwork to try to sucker more people into either party. I don't get it, maybe I can find something on the Internet.

Thursday, August 05, 2004

Another try at Fly 2

After over a week back in ground school and in the simulators I finally got back to the plane. Like all the others planes this one had problems. It was actually one of the newer ones, built in the 80's. The old ones were built in the 60's. I think that is older than Chris! We had another oil leak and had to turn the engine over to be sure. It was out of limits. Again, 4 hours later we cancelled.

Monday, August 02, 2004

Hooters ugly duckling

After my emergency procedures exam my class had a meeting to finalize our squadron assignments. The class decided to go to Hooters. So I went home, changed, asked the wife if she wanted to go ;-P and met everyone there. Turns out Mondays are military appreciation day and the waitresses had their camo shorts and "weapons of mass destruction" t-shirts to fit the theme. Our class leader ordered a 100 wings and some fries. We really had nothing to discuss and I think the meeting was just an excuse for the single guys to get out and drag the rest of us along. Luckily, the 3 of us going to Hawaii had no conflicts with the 3 squadrons available.

After being there about 30 minutes I noticed a duckling out on the deck which overlooks the river. I was surprised to see it was all alone. It then proceeded to waddle across the deck, through the partially open sliding glass door, and right over to me. I reached down and picked it up. The thing wasn't scared at all. I think it was a regular customer. It was only a few weeks old. Still having all its down and about the size of a grapefruit. I felt bad for the thing, a few of us took it back outside to see if the rest of the family was around. No luck, so we dumped it by the river. It was bizarre. After getting home, and washing my hands, I told Rikki and she said I should have taken it home. She feels guilty over it. I doubt the thing is still alive, unless it keeps going back to Hooters for food and protection.

Sunday, August 01, 2004

Squadron selection

Three of us in my class are going to Hawaii. We received 3 billets for the 3 different squadrons so we have to sort out who goes to which squadron. So after an indepth prioritization of the different deciding factors to choose the appropriate squadron I narrowed it down to the most important aspect of each squadron; their patch. I chose from:

VP-4
VP-9
VP-47

I ended up choosing vp-9. Now I just have to wait for the official written orders.

Flying the P-3 Orion

My first flight went well. The P-3 was easier to fly than I expected. During ground school an instructor warned us that the P-3 is an old commercial airliner the "electra" that was converted to military use by extending the tail and adding the MAD (magnetic anomaly detector, for tracking subs). Because of this addition the plane is a little unstable. Not normally a big deal except we fly at 200 feet over the ocean to track subs. So the plane has to be constantly corrected. I didn't find it to be that bad. My landings were all decent, the plane handles differently as you burn off fuel. That will take some getting used to. The P-3 has the same engines as the C-130 Hercules, plenty of power.

My second flight did not even get off the ground. Preflight takes hours for this aircraft. During our preflight we found a fuel leak. The FE's (flight engineers, they sit in the third seat) found an oil leak. Both leaks could be acceptable in certain conditions. But, these were not. So we downed the aircraft and tried another. The second plane had no air conditioning (AC is for the equipment, crew is secondary). So we called it a day, this took about 4 hours and was miserable in the heat.

The second try for fly 2 we actually got off the ground. But, about 30 minutes into the flight while I was flying we had an engine anti-ice light come on. Not a big deal, but it could mean hot bleed air is leaking where it shouldn't be. We ended up aborting the mission and securing the engine. The instructor took the 3 engine landing back into Jax.